Crime without Victim - Victim without Crime



The setting is somewhere in the western hemisphere. It is the present time and thus far, far away from any revolutionwith the exception of price revolutions in advertisements, of course. Two police officers are sitting in their police car, listening to the radio. They seem a little sleepy and bored. One officer is an old and experienced one with a little belly while the other is a rather young police man in excellent shape.






(in order of appearance)

Chief Inspector Douglas Shamire

Police Officer Olaf Melvin


Scottish friar Errol Giles







 Late evening to early morning.





"Fair is foul and foul is fair,
hover through the fog and filthy air!"

(Shakespeare: Macbeth, I,1)





The stage is two chairs or a bench. There is a sign saying POLICE with two blue lights above the chairs. Two police officers are seated on the chairsthey seem bored. The older one even has his eyes closed. The radio is switched on and the news is being announced.


“…and nobody knows how long these demonstrations will last. London. A judge recently decided not to sentence anyone for speeding anymore. Obviously, there were a lot of complaints saying the police would just be waiting at specific places where it was easy to earn some money and not where speeding actually would interfere with traffic. A special committee is going to investigate this case. In the meantime speeding fees are not to be paid. SPORTS. It seems as if a weapon was turned and fired into the wrong direction in the Arsenal of London! Anyway, the whole team is going to be tested for doping before the next game …”


(Olaf turns off the radio).


CI Shamire:    (yawns) I’m getting too old for any night shifts. There’s not even anything to do. Did you watch any good movie in the theatre lately?

PO Melvin:     Not in the theatre! After all, I’m not going there a lot anymore. The prices are way too high―anyway, I bought a huge projector screen and a home projector some weeks ago. It’s the perfect match of getting visually and acoustically almost the same as in the theatres while you can watch on your own and comfortable sofa. I’m saving up for a professional popcorn maker right now...

CI Shamire:     Well, that really sounds amazing! How much was it all together?

PO Melvin:     It’s not too bad. You need to spend like 500£ for the equipment.

CI Shamire:     And what’s about the films? You need to buy DVDs or Blu-rays all the time. That seems expensive.

PO Melvin:     Don’t be a fool, buddy. That’s exactly what the internet is made for! You’ll find everything there for free…

CI Shamire:    (nodding in agreement) Yeah, you must show me how that works properly―I’m always on the wrong domains.

PO Melvin:     Just come around for an evening. Then I’ll show you some great domains and everything else you need to know to get yourself started…

CI Shamire:    (with a big grin) Thanks Olaf, that’s how we’ll do it.

PO Melvin:     Hey Douglas, can’t we just stop any cars? I’m a little bored…

CI Shamire:    (not as sleepy as before anymore) Let’s spice things up a little. What do you think?

PO Melvin:     (frowns) What do you mean? Spice things up?

CI Shamire:     Well Officer Olaf Melvin, what do you think about gambling?

PO Melvin:     (with a rising voice) Gambling? I’m listening. What do you have in mind?

CI Shamire:    OK Olaf. You pick a car to stop and then I’ll bet how canned the driver will be. Let’s say it shouldn’t differ more than 0.3 per mille. Additionally, I might bet if the driver is on any drugs. Ten Pounds on each bet, OK?

PO Melvin:     (wide awake) All right, sounds nice. For instance, I say we stop the red Audi, which is driving way too fast, cutting the corner. (Pointing towards the street) Then you say the driver has a BAC[1] of 1.2 per mille and he’s on smack. In effect, his BAC will be 1.4 per mille but there won’t be no drugs. I owe you 10 pounds then, is this correct?

CI Shamire:     (shaking his head) No, no, no… That would have been two bets! I’d have won the bet about the alcohol, but I’d have lost the bet about the smack. Winning 10 pounds while losing 10 makes it even, understood?


A little apart from the police car, two youngsters are showing up. They are dressed in long sleeves, their baseball caps pulled down low. They meet below the street lamp, smoking cigarettes. After handshaking, they exchange little parcels. The police are not watching. One of the youngsters leaves right away into the dark, the other one remains below the lamp, looking at his watch. For the audience, it all occurs in the front of the stage.


PO Melvin:     Well, I see. After all, it’s not spiced up properly! Let’s make it 50 pounds each bet…

CI Shamire:     (laughing out loud) Boy, I seem to like you more and more. You’ll be a great chief inspector one day…

PO Melvin:     (starts to laugh) And then the student will become the master…


Another boy dressed in black clothes and a woolen hat appears on stage. He walks over to the street lamp, shakes hands with the boy below the lamp and they also exchange parcels. After a few seconds, the boy disappears back in the dark.


PO Melvin:     So I pick the car?

CI Shamire:    Yepp, if you’d like to start. But give me a little run for my money. Just rememberStopping a Mercedes for example is an easy bet for me. There are only business men on the way around the hour. They may or may not have drunk a beer too many, but it’s almost a safe bet. On the other hand, you’ll never know who drives a VW Golf. It might be granny, coming back from visiting her granddaughter, but it might also be one of these potheads, who still need to buy a little grass for the night. It might also be a craftsman who needed to spend a little time at the pub after working, having a little buzz right now. You need to pull out one of these lucky bags to keep the thrill...

PO Melvin:     OK, I’ll give my very best...


Chief Inspector Shamire and Officer Melvin are watching the passing cars tensely for a while. Both fail to notice the third boy meeting the dark figure below the street lamp. After the exchange of parcels, the youngsters disappear in the dark.


PO Melvin:     All right, I came to a decision. Let us check the yellow VW golf over there. (showing in the direction) So what do you bet on?

CI Shamire:     (running his hand over his chin pensively). Hum, not easy... He drives way too according to any regulations! He seems to hide something. Since he doesn’t speed it can’t be due to any alcoholic reasons. After all, it doesn’t look like the driver took any amphetamines...must be some kind of a tranquilizer... I’d say... no alcohol but the drug test will change its color faster than your wallet might be emptied…  I bet it’s one of these potheads smoking cannabis all day...


The police men get out of the police car and indicate to the golf’s driver to pull over.






A man is sitting on the left chair. (Because it is supposed to be another car nowthe police sign and the blue lights are gone.) The police officers are standing next to the sitting man. The older police officer is covering the younger one, touching his gun with one hand in the holder.


DRIVER:       Is anything wrong, officer?

PO Melvin:     Just answer my questions.

DRIVER:       All right then.

PO Melvin:     There was no question so far, be quiet!


Officer Melvin looks down at the driver, it seems as if he was waiting for something. The driver wonders what the police want from him. There is an awkward moment of silence.


PO Melvin:     (as if he’d already asked for the documents and now had to repeat) Give me your driver’s license and car documents!

DRIVER:       That was no question, was it?

CI Shamire:     (takes out the gun, aiming towards the driver) You don’t wanna make any problems, do you?

DRIVER:       (embarrassed and scared at the same time) No, no, no. Everything’s fine. (Looking for his documents) Here you are. (Handing over the documents)


Officer Melvin checks the documents. The driver seems a little nervous now. After a little while Melvin gives back the documents.


PO Melvin:     You seem nervous. So what is it that you’re hiding?

DRIVER:       What? Oh no. No! No! I’m just… just a little nervous because your partner is holding a gun in my face. That’s not a situation I’m used to dealing with.

CI Shamire:     What are you used to dealing with then?

DRIVER:       (not having a clue what they want from him) Hum?! What I deal with? What do you mean?

CI Shamire:    Coke, smack, crack, pot… You’re a pothead right?

DRIVER:       (even more embarrassed) No, I’m not! How could you… I mean why would you think such a thing?

CI Shamire:     You just said you’d deal every now and then.

DRIVER:       No, I didn’t.

CI Shamire:    Yeah, you did…You’d be better off confessing your crime right away.

DRIVER:       There’s nothing to confess. I’m as sober and as innocent as a priest.

CI Shamire:    There you gojust another confession!

DRIVER:       What?! What do you mean?? (Not feeling well anymore, scratching his neck)

PO Melvin:     Don’t give us any broad hints… Just tell us what you did straight away.

DRIVER:       (holding his hands up in the air) I did nothing but drive.

CI Shamire:     Don’t you dare waving about your hands…Just making me nervous…Don’t want me nervous, do you?

DRIVER:       (taking his hands back down) Look, I have no clue what this is all about… Would you mind telling me?

PO Melvin:     Just tell us what you had lately.

DRIVER:       I just had a long day at work…on my way home now.

PO Melvin:     Had a little beer, knocking your day off?

DRIVER:       (shaking his head) No, sir…

PO Melvin:     Just tell us what it was then.

DRIVER:       Nothing but water all day long.

PO Melvin:     No drugs?

DRIVER:       Never in my entire life!

CI Shamire:    Learnin’ the hard way then… Come on kiddo… (shaking his head unbelievingly) Who you wanna fool around with? You want us to take a test?

DRIVER:       Yeah, ok. Let’s do this test.

CI Shamire:     Just gettin’ more and more expensive for you if the test is positive…I’m not a back number!

DRIVER:       Ok, but it won’t be positive. Let’s get it over with! I just want to go to bed…the faster the better.

PO Melvin:     Just tell us what it was!

DRIVER:       (laughing slightly) Nothing!

CI Shamire:    Yeah, you think this is funny?

DRIVER:       Starting to think I’m on TV…yeah!

PO Melvin:     But you’re not.

CI Shamire:     Last chancetell us what kind of drug it was then.


Melvin is pointing his flashlight into the Driver’s eyes.


DRIVER:       (blinks with his eyes and holds his hand up to cover) There were no drugs. Let’s just do this test.

PO Melvin:     Get out of the car then. Hands where I can see them! Don’t you make any stupid moves.


Driver gets out of the car, holding his hands up in the air. He seems a little frightened. As soon as he is out of the car, Officer Melvin takes his hands down on his back and handcuffs him, pushing him ruggedly against the car.


PO Melvin:     (seems a little relieved as if the hard part was over now) OK, first of all we’ll take a FST [2].

CI Shamire:     (puts away his gun and gives Melvin a breathalyzer) Last chance to confess…

DRIVER:       (with a high voice, shaking his head) Nothing to confess…

PO Melvin:     Ok, breathe into this pipe for about 5 seconds.


Driver breathes into the pipe as requested. A little moment later it beeps.


PO Melvin:     (nodding his head approvingly towards CI Shamire) Negative.

CI Shamire:     (a little excited) Take the drug test. (voice getting higher) Take the drug test.


Officer Melvin dabs with some kind of a Q-tip over the Driver’s front. Afterwards he dips the Q-tip thing into the tester which is filled with some liquid. They all wait a few seconds.


PO Melvin:     The color is not changingit’s negative! No drugs at all…

DRIVER:       Humlike I told you…

CI Shamire:     I can’t believe I’ve lost the bet…I mean you told the truth!

DRIVER:       A bet?! What kind of a bet?

PO Melvin:     (opens the driver’s handcuffs) What? Bet? No, not a bet…there is no bet…never was!

DRIVER:       (pointing at Chief Inspector Shamire) Yeah, you said something about a bet!

CI Shamire:     Hum. No, I just said now it’s time for you to go to bed… to BED (stressing the d in bed)

PO Melvin:     (smiling) Not bad! Not bad. You’re free to drive on. Just go… (using his hands to shoo him away)


The Driver steps back into his car and drives away.


PO Melvin:     Hum, that was a close one…

CI Shamire:     Hell, yeah. Another turn?

PO Melvin:     Sure, why not. Your pick…






Chief Inspector Douglas Shamire and Officer Olaf Melvin are going along the main street. They are on patrol and it is very early in the morning. It still takes a little while before the sun might actually ascend. In the back of the stage, there is a street lamp, which has a fixed metal dustbin at the bottom. All of a sudden a Scottish friar named Errol Giles appears, he is wearing a brown robe and since he came running, he is short of breath now.



Friar Errol:     (with a Scottish accent, still short of breath) Thank God…I found ya! Ya need…to follow me…brothers. Please hurry! (already turning towards the direction he came from) We need to go now.

CI Shamire:     (holding on the friars shoulder) Wow, wow, wow… Hold on a second friar. What do you mean? What is wrong? Where do you want to take us?

Friar Errol:      Well, there is a girl over there. (pointing towards the direction he came from) She’s in great danger, brothers. There’re a couple of guys threatening her. Maybe they want to rape her. I don’t know! We need to go. (once again trying to go back)

CI Shamire:     Aha, you’re not sure then?

Friar Errol:      Yes, I AM sure that she’s is in great danger. I’m NOT sure in what kind of a danger… Let’s go and see.

CI Shamire:     Maybe she’s just having a beer with friendsit happens! This is how young folks are having fun nowadays…

Friar Errol:      But she seems scared! Very scared! We should go and find out. Come on… I beg you, please, officers.

CI Shamire:     Officers?! (rising his voice as if someone smells poop) Actually, I am chief inspector Douglas SHAMIRE! Face me with some respect little monk (and, almost inaudibly, whispering another EY-syllable)

Friar Errol:      (pretending not to have heard the last syllable) OK, I’m sorry, chief inspector. I didn’t intend to be impolite. Would you please follow me now?

CI Shamire:     (extending the syllables) That’s way better. Always remember to face the police with some respect. It’s a hard job we have to do and certainly not one anybody is able to do.

Friar Errol:      Yes, certainly chief inspector. May we go now?

CI Shamire:     Yes, you may go now and always rememberface people with respect. Have a good day.

Friar Errol:      No, no, no! WE ALL need to go. Come on, brothers. (once again pointing in the direction of where he came from)

CI Shamire:     We all need to go? Why is that?

Friar Errol:      Because of the girl! (throwing his hands up in horror)

CI Shamire:     Ah, ah, ah! (shaking his head) Because of the girl, CHIEF INSPECTOR!

Friar Errol:      OK, because of the girl, chief inspector. Can we go now…

CI Shamire:     What girl do you mean?

Friar Errol:      I already told you, chief inspector. There’s a girl in great danger!

CI Shamire:     So, you’re sure she is in danger?

Friar Errol:      (with an ironic voice) Well, she sure was when I saw her! I don’t knowmaybe she is dead already.

CI Shamire:     And how many guys were there?

Friar Errol:      I’m not sure…four, maybe five. Let’s find out.

CI Shamire:     Four or five? That’s plenty of guys…

Friar Errol:      Yeah, and she’s all alone! Come on, we need to help her…

CI Shamire:     Hum, I’m afraid but we can’t help you!

Friar Errol:      (totally shocked) What?! But you’re the police! Isn’t it part of your job to help people?

CI Shamire:     Hum, yeah it’s part of the deal, but it’s also part of the deal not to maneuver ourselves into any situations of danger.

PO Melvin:     There’s a strict order that we need to wait for reinforcements if there are too many aggressors.

Friar Errol:      Call for reinforcements then! And let’s go…

CI Shamire:     (looking at his watch) Hum, it’ll take a while at this time!

Friar Errol:      I can’t believe it! We need to go NOW…

CI Shamire:     OK, I’ll call for reinforcements and we wait until they’re here, then we go help her.


Friar Errol:      We can’t wait any longer, brothers. We need to go now.

PO Melvin:     Just wait for the reinforcements to come. In the meantime, we need to check your personal data.

Friar Errol:      There’s no time for that now. Let’s just go and do the paperwork later.

PO Melvin:     That’s not how the process works! We’ll need to wait. Let me see your ID, please.

Friar Errol:      I can’t wait any longer. Do what you need to do and I’ll do what I need to do. (preparing to leave)

CI Shamire:     You’re not going anywhere! You’ll wait with us for the reinforcements to arrive.


The Scottish friar Errol Giles doesn’t listen to the police anymore. He seems a little desperate. Then he sees the dustbin below the street lamp and directly walks towards it. With all the power God equipped him with he kicks the dustbin out of the fixation. The dustbin rattles down loudly. Police Officer Olaf Melvin and Chief Inspector Douglas Shamire look at each other in aghast. Friar Errol looks back to the police, preparing to run.


CI Shamire:     Now, you put yourself into some serious issues! Damage to property is a felony!

Friar Errol:      (already running towards the girl) So is rape.


Police Officer Olaf Melvin and Chief Inspector Douglas Shamire chase Errol. The three men are circling the stage for some rounds, pretending it was somewhere in the streets. Finally they catch up with Errol. Chief Inspector Douglas Shamire brings him down and handcuffs Errol on his back. In the corner of the stage you can see a girl lying on the ground. Several men left the moment  they eyed the police.


Girl:             (with a very weak voice) Daddy?

CI Shamire:    O dear lord, it seems to be my own daughter! (running towards the injured girl in a great hurry, not worrying about Errol anymore)

Friar Errol:     What’s about your strict orders now?

PO Melvin:     I can’t believe that it’s his daughter…

Friar Errol:     They’re always somebody’s daughter, brother!



―The End―


[1] BAC = blood alcohol concentration

[2] FST = field sobriety test

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